How to get Improved Social media Skill on online or Off

Typically in events that you go to where you're going to introduce someone, they’re there to meet people as well.  In fact, to reframe your mental game you can say, 'look I'm actually doing them a favor by talking to them' why? Because no one wants to bathe person standing at a party alone.  so by going up to them, yeah it's anxiety producing, and you feel kind of weird, but trust me they actually feel amazing you came up to them. and here's how you know: imagine yourself at a party, you’re up there you just got yourself a drink you can like looking around you’re about to pull your phone out so you look busy, and somebody comes up to you and says hey my name's John. Awesome, you feel great. Someone picked you at this crowd to come up and talk to you- you're going to be grateful, not weirded out.  OK? That’s how we start changing the way we think, as well as changing our behavior.  Another way you can break the ice is to simply go to someone and say 'so how do you know John?" John being the name of the organizer, maybe the birthday hosts. So I'll give an example.  I was at a birthday party the other day, it was a birthday party for, it was a co- birthday party thrown by four different people at a bar, and you know I came out to my friend is it how's it going happy birthday. And then I was mingling, so I didn't monopolize my friend’s time and what do I do? so after I said hello you know we can hang out a little bit I mingled around and I went up to people I said oh so how do you know Michelle and that was a great conversation starter because of course, everyone’s there, they're are supporting your friends and we got some great discussions, right? Someone has this great startup, someone's doing this, someone was making fun of another person's shoes it was great.  That is how you can break the ice and get that conversation started. The next thing that I will teach readers told me was, ‘how do I keep a conversation going?'.  So it's one thing to get someone say you know what brought you here or how do you know the host, but it's another too kind of ask that question and then get stuck.  So what do you do to keep the conversationgoing? And going in an interesting direction? Let me give you a few suggestions. My biggest mistake early on was asking too many questions.  Okay so I'd be like oh so what brought you here? Oh really? You know him? Do you know that? What do you do? bla bla blaand get a little bit weirded out like is this dude interrogating me so what I would do is instead of simply asking question after question after question ask  couple questions and then I might make a statement reflecting on what they said.  I might say “that’s really interesting you know I wouldn't have thought that would be natural to go from X to Y but the way you say it makes a lot of sense" and of course they're like off to the races with that right? so one thing I learned was not as too many questions typically- I know this from eavesdropping on hundreds have dates that happen next to me in the places that i write, coffee shops and things like that-every time a date sits next to me I immediately go to my computer, put my headphones on you and then listen for the next hour- it's what I do.  And so I've been able to draw several conclusions from this the number one is guys talk about themselves way too much. so my problem was asking too many questions, oftentimes you have guys, especially when they're talking to women, they’ll just talk too much blah bah bah bahbah not actually asking anything about that person. They walk away, and if you were to say like what do you know about that person, they’d be like ah I do no they seem really nice, they laughed at my jokes so you want to be very careful about calibrating yourself. Asking too many questions or not asking enough questions at all ok? Here are a few ways you can keep this conversation going.  So one thing you can say is so what brought you to this event? And as they tell you that, ‘oh you know I'm here because my company sponsored it and blah blah'then you follow up on the next natural question which is oh what do you do? Now that's a little bit of a cliché question, but it's an easy one that you can pull out if you need to and you're stuck.  What do you do gives you an opportunity to kind a practice your different answers too. so for example if I say what do you do and someone says 'oh I'm a strategic operational consultant' I may be like okay that sounds really impressive I'm just not sure I understand what it means. Or I can say oh wow so do you work with all industries or do you work with all industries or just this technology industry? See how I took two totally different approaches? If I'm costly talking to different people I can actually test which one works better just by watching the reaction.  one is kind a fun lighthearted one one is a more curious serious one probably if we're at an event I actually but you that the first one goal for better if you’ve calibrate your body language one thing you can say is you know what was your biggest takeaway today? What was your biggest insight today? I would again test those two words you can get very different responses from just testing those.  One thing you can do that works really well, is after listening to people- really understanding who they are- you might ask and what do you do? Or are you here from outta town or are your local? Oh I'm here from outta town or from Houston "oh Houston I love to bbq there! “So one thing you can do is also make a commenting them.  you can say something like 'you know you seem pretty adventurous you know I know a couple of other management consultants but I don't know anybody who does scuba diving on their off time it seems pretty ventures' obviously you’re complimenting them but you're doing it in an authentic way- why? Because you point out 'look I've listened to you, I know other people like you and you seem XYZ'.  Now you're not doing this to be a kiss ass. If you do this and you're not authentic, people will recognize it from a mile away. What you're doing though is truly listening to them and then making a comment a little bit about who they are.  Now obviously you know something nice to say, don't say it at all. I learned that lesson myself as we l. l but what you can do is show that you've been listening, it actually honors someone when you make a comment obviously complimentary.